Alone isn’t always lonely.

I’m sleeping alone tonight.

For all of my life, I could recall most of the times I’ve slept alone. Of course I’m not counting the times I slept in the living room by accident – you’ll all be in for a field day if I recounted them all. No, I mean sleeping on a real bed in a proper bedroom.

I’ve always slept with someone by my side or in the same room as another. The master’s bedroom was my primary quarters before I turned 10 and by then, I wasn’t totally free. My sister and I shared a room; sometimes we shared a bed, sometimes I accidentally sleep on her side but always, always together. There were periods of in-betweens as well; I’d go back to my parents’ bedroom a couple of months after sharing a room with my sister, then I’d go back to my sister again. I don’t really mind sharing a room with someone so long as I’m familiar and close with them. I don’t even mind sharing a bed with a guy. I’m quite affectionate so I like cuddling up to my friends while I sleep. (I know what you’re thinking – NO BOYFRIENDS. xD)

There are exceptions though. I avoid sharing the bed with my younger brother. I’m rather inclined to think that he’s the reincarnation of Bruce Lee, with the way he kicks and punches anyone who gets within a 5-meter radius of his sleeping form. He’s quite calm and quiet when awake but turns into the opposite at night. Talk about Hyde and Jekyll. Also, avoid the master’s bedroom like the plague whenever Dad’s home from the sea. I don’t think I can explain properly how his snoring sounds; a chainsaw doesn’t even come close. It’s so damn irritating that I sometimes resort to sleeping in the living room if only to get some decent sleep.

Now that I’m in college, I share a queen-size bed with my sister. I didn’t want a double-decker cramping our condominium; I’m a little claustrophobic. Also, I have a couple of friends over sometimes and we can fit a lot more people in one gigantic bed. At home, I sleep on the floor of the master’s bedroom. I just lay out 2 comforters and prepare to settle in. I’m told that hard surfaces are good for scoliosis (mine is a mild case) so it’s fine that way.

My sister’s busy with thesis writing since she’s in her graduating year. Most days, she sleeps over at a friend’s house, trying to finish deadlines and papers and today is one of those days. Truth is, I’m not lonely – just a little restless. I’ve known quite a lot about loneliness to know that one doesn’t always mean the other. In some ways, I value the quiet as much as the racuous moments with my friends. I find that I can’t sustain the same level of high energy throughout the day and often lapse into bouts of daydreaming and thoughtlessness. Kind of like a recharge, really. I’m quite content basking in my friends’ presence while I gather up my energies for another go at loud, clean fun.

Tomorrow will be another day of chatter, cacophony and memories. Tomorrow is but a night away. And the night is silent.

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Tags: college, Life, sleep