Hey, everyone! Yeah, I know, another interlude. When am I ever going to finish the 7 Deadly Sins? Unfortunately, it might take a while. I’m still groping in the dark for inspiration and lookie here, I found one during the strangest of moments. Anyway, I’m on autopilot as always so be kind!
There is a sense of restlessness hanging in the air, a tension that ebbs and flows with the passage of time. It waxes, wanes, strikes at moments of vulnerability then backs off, as if warded by the thoughts wandering aimlessly in your veins. It stays at the periphery of your consciousness where it is usually stalled by mundane routine yet at the back of your mind, you know it for what it is.
You are waiting.
Once, you wondered what exactly it was that you were waiting for. You were largely driven then by instinct and your now-defunct childhood faith and so you were faithful to the call, passing time by counting shooting stars, pulling petals and crushing them underfoot, all while wishing for a love that the child scarcely understood.
You are older now and everything is the same and different all at once. You no longer have time to blow on dried dead dandelions and send your wishes to heaven where you fancy they can be heard. You have too much to do, too many too think about, too little time, and so you put parts of your life on hold. You could have tried to actively look instead of waiting on the bench for the train to arrive. But there were a thousand miles to traverse, a thousand obstacles to overcome and really, in one lifetime, a thousand was far too great a number. You pretend not to care. Still, you know in your heart of hearts that you are waiting. The difference is that this time, you are waiting for him.
He is the thought that occupies your conscious and subconscious – strange when it is possible that you have not even met him yet. His place lies beneath the ache in your breast, among the hollows you amassed and tried in vain to fill over the years. You feel his absence – all the weight and weightlessness- so acutely at times that it feels that he is actually there. The day that the one who will make your heart tremble arrives is the day you will lose yourself and for once, it will be alright.
He is the boy who will one day own parts of you that can never take back no matter how many times you cut him open and search all his veins and pillage the chambers of his heart. You are not the only one with a secret garden – and his is full of the flowers you have always loved. Even with that in mind, he still manages to draw you close and make you fall for him- hard. And you wouldn’t mind.
He is the sunflower that follows the sun with the devotion that you wish you could have and give one day, never minding the air, aerospace, and the other elements that come in the in-between. In fact, the distance wouldn’t matter at all. It’s you and him and suddenly the space is non-existent because he gives you everything you never thought you’d need in the time your eyes meet his in that crowded hustle towards the door.
It doesn’t matter if he laughs funny, if he snores in the middle of the climax of your favorite chick flick, or if he’s got that pre-shave stubble that leaves annoying marks on your cheeks when he holds you. In fact, you’ll love him for those and for the other thousand and one beautiful things that endear him to you. Not because he’s the love of your life because you’re sure to have other loves down the road as well as the others you have now, but because he’ll be the love that will always matter all the days of your life.
And when he comes, sunny, happy sunflower in hand, you’ll know you’re home.
Tonight, as you keep to the routine in order to maintain some semblance of normality and no matter how long- how many lifetimes of moments it takes- you know that you will wait for him.